Love, Marriage, Relationships and Vedanta

 Sri Sadgurubhyoh Namah

Human beings seek love always. It is the nature of human mind. That is the reason why they form many relationships. they seek love, validation, acceptance, comfort.

However, they seek them in the wrong direction. They seek in other people's approval and other people's love. The outside direction. They will not find love, acceptance etc from anyone in the truest sense. Every one are concerned about themselves only. 'what do I get out of this person?' this is paramount importance in all human relationships.

One has to change the direction in which one is seeking these values. The right direction for love is inside one's own self.

Do you love your own self?

Are you kind to your own self?

Are you compassionate to your own self?

Do you like your own self?

Do you like your own company?

Do you give yourself space?

Do you enjoy your smile?

Do you accept yourself the way you are, with all your drawbacks and vulnerabilities?

Change the direction of your love, affection, attention, care, acceptance to your own inner self. Love yourself. Accept yourself.

Don't look for love and acceptance from others. You won't find it. They can't give it. 

Marriage, spouse, children, in-laws these are all societal constructs. They have their importance. However, one can't expect other's to behave in a way as per our wish.

Don't mix societal obligation and responsibilities with requirement of love and acceptance.

Nobody truly loves and accepts us in truest sense. We can't expect also. If we expect, we face disappointment.

This doesn't mean one should leave home and live alone. Don't mix marriage, family life and inner fulfillment.

People usually form relationships thinking, expecting that their inner longing for love will be fulfilled. Ultimately they get disappointed.

Stop seeking outside of you. Seek within. Love yourself, and give love to others. Give love and acceptance to others, which you were seeking. 

Love, acceptance should never be sought from others. You won't get it. Instead , you start distributing love and acceptance of all and sundry you meet, and you will find that whole world will love you back, accept you. Once you start giving love and acceptance to whole world, you will find that you will receive bountiful of love and acceptance from all.

The Lasting Solution to Human problem

 Sri Sadgurubhyoh Namah

As long as there is a person and personality, there is no peace. Even if a person attains peace, it is ephemeral and lasts only till the next unpleasant event in life.

A subtle anxiety will be felt at the heart center, for everyone who is body conscious, or thinks that he is a person. People are just not sensitive about it. Some worry will be there. Some discontent will be there. Some dissatisfaction will be there with something or the other. 

Vedanta and renunciation is the only lasting solution to human problem of discontent. 

Shruthi vakya "Na karmana, na prajaya, dhane na, Tyagenaika amrutatva manushuhu" - meaning "Not by action, not by progeny, not by wealth, but by renunciation alone they attained salvation",  supports this claim.

'Personality' is the root. The feeling that 'I am a person, who is inside this world, affected by the events of the world, I desire some things, and I dislike some things. I am happy if I attain my desired goals. I suffer if my disliked things happen.' is a sure shot concoction for suffering. 

Any healing system, or philosophy which tries to keep the personality alive, with all its desires and ambitions, yet try to make the person to be peaceful, is contradictory in nature and is bound to fail in the long run, even though a temporary peace is achieved by some means. It is like putting a bandage to cover up the deep wound, and giving medicine pill to treat cancer. These kind of approaches are like keeping the roots alive, but cutting the leaves.

The solution lies in transcending the personality and knowing that 'I am spirit unbounded, unblemished and unconditioned. I am not the body, hence I am not the doer. I am not the mind, hence I am not the enjoyer of emotions. I am not the intellect, hence I am not the agent. I am the light that is shining in this body. I am light of all lights. I am supreme light. I am unattached to anything.' -- This knowledge is the only saving grace. This knowledge cuts the root of the problem and provides lasting solution.

Know your true Self and be free

 Sri Sadgurubhyoh Namah

"Who sows must reap", they say, "and cause must bring the sure effect; Good good, bad bad; and none escapes the law. But whoso wears a form must wear the chain". Too true; but far beyond both name and form is Atman, ever free. Know thou art that, Sannyasin bold! Say, "Om Tat Sat, Om!"

-- from Song of Sannyasin

By

Swami Vivekananda 

Know your true Self. Your true nature. The Atman. You are ever free.

You are NOT your body

You are NOT your mind

You are NOT your emotions 

You are NOT your feelings 

You are NOT your intellect 

You are NOT your ideas, opinions and concepts 

Then, what are you?

Then, what problem can trouble you?

Know your true Self and be free

You are responsible for your upliftment

 Sri Sadgurubhyoh Namah

To be an engineer it takes 18 years of study. To be a doctor it takes 20 years of study.

Imagine how many years of sadhana required to be peaceful?

People are willing to put effort, time and money to achieve something in materialistic life.

But they want instant results in spiritual path. How is that?

People attend few spiritual classes, listen to few pravachanas and think they understand spiritual science. They want peace on a platter. They don't want to put time, effort and money to gain peace of mind.

No effort, no sadhana and yet they feel 'why am I not peaceful yet?'

Please put effort, time and if need be money and learn, practice spirituality under a proper living Guru.

There is another pitfall. People glorify and hero worship a Guru who is not there physically, attribute magical, mystical powers to Guru maharaj and expect Grace of Guru to flow from his hand and somehow Guru responsible for your Self realisation. All this will not work.

What works is

You have to be a diligent student, study properly from a learned living Guru in a scientific way face to face, be rational and do your spiritual sadhana properly.

Importance of Exercise

 Sri Sadgurubhyoh Namah

1. Why am I exercising/yoga? 

a) it's for my health. Yoga or walking is a means. My top priority in life is my health. It is in my own interest, it is me who will suffer if healthy lifestyle is not followed. It is not to impress anyone or look for appreciation. 

2. Who are my competitors?

 a) I compete against myself. I better myself. I should be better than what I was previous day. 

3. Health as a reward is too conceptual, which will be realised after 6 months of practice. It cannot produce dopomine effect and act as reward daily. Hence daily yoga cannot happen effectively?

 a) yoga and exercise release endorphins, which are happy hormones, and are daily rewards. Also, remind that I have taken a small step towards 6 months goal, hence dopomine effect.

Futile Exercise

 Sri Sadgurubhyoh Namah

Step-1: we think we are this body in this world 

Step-2: we need to survive.

Whole life spent in survival anxiety 

Step-3: we want to enjoy sense pleasures.

Whole life is spent in this pursuit.

At the end of life we have only experiences and memories to show in balance sheet.

These steps are cyclical.

Is there an escape from this futile exercise?

Guruji : To see unreality

Hari Om Tat Sat

I AM

 Sri Sadgurubhyoh Namah

I realised that 'no matter what I do, what experiences I chase n undergo, how many things I acquire or give away, how many relationships I form or break' it doesn't change me fundamentally. I am 'being-that-is-knowing' and nothing gets added or subtracted from it by whatever I do or I think or experience.

I was 'I am', I am 'I am' and I will always be 'I am' 

I am incorruptibly 'I am' . I am unborn, deathless, ageless, pure, sinless, unattached, space-like, formless, light-that-shines, unseen, center, support

Hari Om Tat Sat